on meaning and direction in life
Most of us think there's just one way of living. That there's a magical one-size-fits-all meaning and direction that will cure all our issues.
We spend so much time either trying to idolize and emulate whatever famous person we look up to or we constantly worry and complain that our lives suck and could be better.
But we only have so much time. Life moves quickly and for many of us, we aren't sure how to reflect and understand what we need while also coming to terms that wherever we are, it won't be perfect. It's hard to build the ship while you sail it.
The mistake is waiting passively for the meaning and direction to come to you.
We only know something is true by testing our beliefs, thoughts and narratives within our current life circumstances.
I've wanted to be a musician, fashion wholesaler, religious clergy, life coach and therapist. I've worked about 50 different jobs. Each of these jobs were there pinnacle of pursuit. I'd devote all my time to becoming the exact role my heart and eyes were set on. I've also dated several people I thought I'd end up marrying. I've sworn that "this was it".
I had missed the point. Instead of focusing on general healthy habits, I limited myself to specific outcomes.
This caused me to idolize perfection and avoid doing mundane, repetitive actions that made me better and enhanced my quality of life.
I was staying perpetually unfit, unmotivated, depressed and lazy. When I'd either reach the goal of obtaining the ideal job or fail in the process, I'd find myself full of void. I still felt directionless and meaningless.
Meaning and direction are found in the person that you're becoming, not the outcomes you're pursuing.
Decide to make everything you do meaningful. Pick a direction and go for it.
As Viktor Frankl says, "Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom; which determined whether or not you would become the plaything of circumstance, renouncing freedom and dignity to become molded into the form of the typical inmate."
Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to "figure it out". Your job, your family, your friends and your interests will all fluctuate in their meaning and direction.
Some days you'll feel like what you're doing is the very thing you were born to do. You'll be in the flow of life. Other days you'll feel like what you do doesn't matter. That there's no point and you wonder the point of it all. That's natural.
As James Finley says, "We absolutize the relative and relativize the absolute." Instead of being so set on a final outcome, be flexible and present to the process. Pay attention to what's true and what's interesting.
Don't be distracted by other's paths, mind-numbing entertainment or your mishaps. Stay focused on walking your walk.
Do these things every day though and you will have meaning and direction in life:
Repeat the basics: healthy eating, exercise, good sleep and close relationships will keep you sane. As Ryan Holiday says, "90% of the game is simply not going crazy or giving up." Most of our meaning comes from these things and are the foundation for a functional and effective life.
Reflect and asses: take personality tests, reflect on your values and get a sense of who you are in the world. Daily walks, journaling and turning inward allow us to check in with ourselves and the situations we find ourselves in.
Do something for someone else: take the focus off of you and the need for outcomes-based living. Generosity prevents narcissism and simply caring for someone else prevents perfectionism.
Be thankful: we so often miss the beauty and value around us in what we already have. Yes, things could be better but also, they're usually not as bad as we make them out to be.
Yes, there's a career, a life partner, a home and a future state out there for you. These things we desire most are manifested by doing the same small things, every day.
As we do, we grow in awareness, effectiveness, clarity and capacity. We fine tune our hearing, sharpen our vision and pace our pursuing.
Questions
What's most meaningful to you in life?
Do you feel like you have clear direction?
What can you do do have more meaning and direction?
Quote
“We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life and instead think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answers to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.” - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search For Meaning
most meaningful is a sense of connection with others, that feeling of being able to fully see another person and acknowledge who they are, and in turn the courage to show myself and be fully seen. writing is a primary vehicle to that end for me, which I guess is why I engage with it a lot.