learn to focus (a pep talk to myself)

There is always something to be distracted by. Social media, texts, traveling, random internet rabbit holes and social hangouts. But even necessary things like cleaning, cooking, and exercising distract us. The problem is not that there are good things we should do and bad things we should not do. We all know those. The problem is that we don’t know how to prioritize and be present to certain things at certain times. We are so conditioned to go at the whims of our latest thought or feeling. Going back and forth each day in madness and chaos. Never truly knowing why we do what we do.

When we live in a reactive state like this, we stay stuck (and stressed!). We may accomplish a few things or grow in little ways but overall, we stay in a sink hole. The more we try to get our way, the more we feel the resistance and lack of overcoming.

First off, we need core aims and goals. These aims and goals should have specific steps and actions that help us achieve them. They are walls to help redirect us when we inevitably get distracted. They’re also metrics and thresholds to show us where we are and how we are doing.

We get distracted for many reasons. Some common reasons are: we are uncomfortable with the present moment, we are avoiding something, we are insecure in our ability to do something, or we want to feel good and safe in a moment. Our distractions bail us out so we never learn our lesson through the consequence of “paying for our time in prison”. In the prisons of our own mind that we need to know costs us dearly to be entrapped. We need to tell ourselves, “There’s no way out but through” and to own up to our lives, in totality.

Even if you’re saying “I’ve tried everything I could ever try and it still doesn’t feel like I’m making progress.” You have two choices. You can believe that and never change or grow. Or, you can believe that, even though that may feel true, it’s not. It’s simply between trying again and believing some action or effort is better than nothing or not trying and giving up. We are either making progress or staying stagnant. There is not neutral.

Goals and outcomes are not guaranteed but the quality of life goes up even in the process of becoming better before you’re at your best. Each little try to change and be better counts. Period. Our ability to hyper focus on this determines long term success.

It’s counter intuitive because we think that creating lofty goals, being ambitious and extreme brings change. That only leads to burnout, overwhelm, and narcissism to think you’re capable enough to do that. It takes true humble and patience to take it one step at a time.

It’s not attractive, it won’t get other’s approval or attention but it works. Instead of focusing on self-esteeming and feeling good, focus on self-respect and being good. You’ll be proud of yourself because in your heart of hearts, you know you’re doing your best and becoming your best. Best being true self not perfect self.

You have today to choose. Stop putting it off. Tell yourself now is the time and that enough is enough. As the Nike slogan says, “just do it.”

Questions

• What do you need to face right now?

• What are your feelings and beliefs behind your relation to these struggles?

• What are your go- to distractions that bail you out of the moment?

Quote

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” – Henry Ford