A Dangerous Way to Live

Why Most Men Are Shrinking and Stagnant

I was sitting in a 200-degree sauna the other day, having one of those random conversations that hits different when you're basically cooking yourself alive. This local guy starts telling me about another regular at the gym who used to be absolutely jacked. Like, serious bodybuilder territory, fake tan and all.

But here's where it gets interesting. The guy's been taking steroids recently, and instead of getting bigger, he's actually shrinking. His muscles are disappearing. He’s starting to look like overcooked linguine pasta.

Then my sauna buddy drops this line that caused me to pause: "Your muscle doesn't magically stay. You have to continue building it or it shrinks."

I've heard "use it or lose it" a thousand times. But something about hearing it in that moment, in that heat, made everything click differently.

The Race We All Stop Running

Picture this: You're watching a marathon and suddenly, one of the runners just... stops. Mid-race. Doesn't finish.

Your first thought? He must be injured. Something happened. Nobody just quits unless they have to, right?

That's exactly how we treat ourselves when life gets hard. We stop growing, stop pushing, stop trying to be better. And honestly? It makes sense. Life will knock you flat on your back faster than you can say "five-year plan."

But here's what I realized sitting in that sauna: We have to keep going.

Not because it's easy. Not because we feel like it. But because the alternative is slow decay. There is a cost to everything. The question is: what are you willing to pay and is what you’re paying for what you want?

Epictetus knew this 2,000 years ago when he said something that still punches me in the gut every time I read it:

"How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself? You are no longer a boy but a full-grown man. If you are careless and lazy now and keep putting things off, you will not notice that you are making no progress but you will live and die as someone quite ordinary."

Brutal. True. Necessary.

The 8-Step System to Stop Shrinking

Here's what I've learned about keeping momentum when everything in you wants to quit:

1. Get brutally honest about where you actually are. Not where you wish you were. Not where you used to be. Where you are right now in every area: body, relationships, work, spirit. We’d all like to think we are doing better than we are. While we shouldn’t shame ourselves, we also shouldn’t avoid being honest with ourselves in our actual growth, not desired growth.

2. Name the enemies. What specific blockers and toxic mindsets got you here? Call them out by name and find the courage to see them for what they are and embrace them to then overcome them. They aren’t meant to be permanent states and struggles. While they don’t go away overnight, they certainly shouldn’t overstay their welcome.

3. Envision your truest self. Not some Instagram fantasy version. The most authentic, powerful version of who you could become. Write it down. Your character traits, mental states, how you want to feel on a day to day basis and how you want to be perceived by others in the most positive light.

4. Build a plan that's challenging but not insane. Small, specific actions that compound over time. It should be challenging, yet approachable. Trustworthy yet flexible. Think about it like a blueprint- it should have the structure and order while holding the dynamism and chaos.

5. Get accountability that actually works. Someone who will call you on your BS when you start making excuses. Not someone to babysit your efforts nor a person who will either shame or enable you. A true sparring partner to help you become the person you want to be.

6. Celebrate the tiny wins. Progress is progress, even when it doesn't feel like much. Be thankful for making the effort, overcoming adversity and changing your current state of being. Little things like going to the gym, having that conversation, pushing through that challenge. It all counts and you need to acknowledge it to have the ferver to keep going.

7. Learn from setbacks without letting them define you. You're going to stumble. Don't let one bad day become a bad month. Don’t give in to toxic shame. Own your decision but don’t over personalize it. It’s an action you did not an identity you are.

8. Stay hungry for growth. Not perfection. Growth. There's a massive difference. Aim for the ideal but live in the real. Never settle but always be content. Live with a “good but keep going” mindset.

The Truth About Confidence

As Alex Hormozi says, "You don't become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror. You become confident by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are. Outwork your self-doubt."

That hit me like a sledgehammer.

Confidence isn't a feeling. It's evidence. Evidence you create by showing up, day after day, even when you don't feel like it. You have to start by believing in yourself. By valuing the person that you are enough to commit to becoming who you were made to be. You owe it to yourself to find out what’s inside and do the work to actualize it.

The Choice That Changes Everything

We all want to look back on our lives with pride, knowing we showed up as our fullest selves. Not with regret that we played small when we could have played big. Not taking the easy way out. Not giving up. Not getting cynical or stagnant.

Have dignity, self-respect and a true sense of being proud of who you are and the daily decisions you make that reflect that.

Today, you get to choose. You can change. You can move forward.

The question is: Will you?

Three Questions to Get You Started:

• In what areas of my life am I currently "shrinking"?

• What specific blockers and mindsets are keeping me stuck here?

• Who do I want to become in this area of my life?